As I write this it is Mother’s Day. I am of course feeling quite sentimental and finally am inspired to write out my third birth story! I have also forbidden myself to do any housework today as a *little treat* and this is the best alternative I could think of. I cannot believe I have given birth 3 times. Anywho, here it is: Nico’s birth story. Its a long one! (when is it not?)
My third pregnancy *tw: if pregnancy loss is hard for you to read about skip to the next section*
November 2021: We had solidified our decision to remain a family of four. We felt confident that this was the right decision and kept stating reasons why we were glad we made that decision. Its funny looking back on it now because whenever Carlos or I make a decision we will talk through all the reasons why we made those decisions and the other will always say “you don’t have to convince me, that decision is fine!” Ha, who were we trying so hard to convince? (The answer is ourselves, we were not convinced)
We returned from a trip across the country to San Diego. I was so exhausted, and the I realized my cycle was late. Pregnancy never crossed my mind but Carlos got me a test anyway and made me take it. Positive. I couldn’t believe it! We were sure we were done. Honestly, I was sad and did not know how to process it. I look back on that with such regret.
Weeks later at my 8 week appointment with my beloved midwife Cindy we did an ultrasound that showed so much nothingness, complete quiet. No heartbeat. “It could be earlier than you thought” but I knew. On Christmas Eve it was confirmed, I was losing the pregnancy. I will never forget the feeling of finding out the baby we came to love so quickly, that we began to dream of and plan for and celebrate, would never come to be.
I had what is called a missed miscarriage. My body didn’t get the memo so I remained feeling very pregnant for a few weeks after. I knew I was losing the pregnancy but I didn’t want to take any medication just in case there was some miracle. There was no miracle coming in the form of my baby growing, only in the form of God’s sweet comfort. The waiting process was brutal, as was the physical process. The emotional hurt coupled with the physical was very hard at times.
When the process concluded and my cycle resumed, we were able to name our baby who we called Shiloh, meaning “His Gift” in Hebrew, and begin the healing process. When I think back to this time it’s so bittersweet for me. I couldn’t believe the way all the women in my life held me. They checked on me, cooked for me, watched my children for me, prayed for me, gave me resources and guidance and words of love, put together gifts for me, I could go on. God’s grace was shown through each and every one of my beloved friends and relatives who were there for me.
I still close my eyes and see the vision I had of rocking my summer baby outside in the sunlight while hearing their big brothers playing and laughing. Still my baby, even if Jesus has to hold them for me for now.
To baby or not to baby
We felt a void in our family after this. When I prayed in my indecision a year prior I asked God to make it so clear to me that I was meant to have another child that I couldn’t deny it, and that’s what I got. Carlos agreed that someone was missing so we decided after one cycle we would take our chances.
I began testing 10 days before my estimated period date and they kept coming back negative. I took a break from testing after 3 days before my period until the actual date because they were all negative. On that day, it finally showed up: positive. I felt a million things at once: elation, fear, excitement, terror. I didn’t want to lose this baby. I Facetimed Carlos while he was driving to work because I had to tell him or I would explode and he shared my cautious excitement.
I took an innumerable amount of pregnancy tests in the weeks after until I could get an ultrasound. At 6 weeks we saw a little flickering heartbeat. Then again at 8 weeks, and 10 weeks, and 12 weeks, and 14. Until I finally started to feel little kicks.
I hated, and still do, that I will never know if my third pregnancy was a son or daughter. I feel like when they’re so tiny its the only thing you can know about them for sure, and that bit of information would have meant so much. So, even though I loved finding out Luca was a boy at birth, we opted to find out the gender via Sneak Peak test. I planned to do the gender reveal cannons as a family but once I got the email I couldn’t wait! I opened right away: boy.
I thought I would feel neutral but I didn’t. I knew I would get over it, but I was disappointed. I always pictured myself with daughters, and I have three sons. I love having sons and they adore me! I just always thought I would have a daughter. With my last two babies I felt like along with the joy and celebration I had to mourn the daughter I would never have. That being said, all I know is boys so having another son felt just fine the next day.
This pregnancy was by far my easiest pregnancy. I had very minimal pain, nausea but no real sickness. I don’t love being pregnant but I did try to enjoy it as much as possible keeping in mind that it may be my last! Choosing a home birth again was a no brainer for me. Without family in the area it makes sense to be able to have my kids with us if we needed to. I also loved not having to go far after my baby was born. Nothing beats the comfort of your own house especially in such an intense situation. And I got to work with my wonderful midwife and friend again!
I knew I had a lot of mental prep work to do for this labor. I went into Odin’s labor with such confidence (and a lot of naivety!) and it really got me through. I didn’t do enough mental prep for Luca’s labor and I struggled to get through. In effort to make this experience better I read a lot of birth stories, watched positive birth videos, did a lot of hypnobirthing meditation and prayer, and focused on being open to however this birth was going to look. I typically have long labors; Odin’s was 24 hours of prodromal labor with about 5 hours of early labor and 12 hours of active labor and my second was around 21 hours. I didn’t want to give myself I time limit like I did with my second birth just to be disappointed, I wanted to accept whatever birth the Lord had in store for me.
Waiting game.
I expected baby to come at least past 40 weeks because that’s typically how my pregnancies go. Odin and Luca were both born at 40 weeks and 3 days so up until that point I felt relaxed! My mom came in the day after our due date and planned to stay 10 days. We thought for sure he would come in that time. We kept busy. Took a day trip up to Williamsburg. Went for lots of walks. Thanksgiving came and went, which I was certain I would not be pregnant for. And nothing. No signs of labor whatsoever. I went to my appointment with my midwife about a week after my due date. I had never gone this long and never had a membrane sweep, but with my mom’s return flight looming over us I decided to give it a try. I was barely 1 cm dilated! At 41 weeks! I typically dilate during active labor and I know this so I tried not to be too annoyed but I have never had a quick labor and I was hoping some early dilation might help things along. She knew it wouldn’t be successful and so did I. I tried walking, going up a lot of stairs, concentrated red raspberry leaf tea; nothing worked and on November 27, when I was 41 weeks and 3 days, my mom headed home. I felt both devastated and relieved, like the pressure to give birth by a certain time was off. Those days leading up to her leaving were so stressful and frustrating for me. I did not want to give birth without my mom there to help and to meet him and when saying goodbye I had to come to terms with doing it without her.
The next day I had another appointment and I was dilated enough to have a successful membrane sweep! I had some instructions on what to do to encourage labor so I did some of the prescribed tasks and waited. I felt some mild discomfort but at 41 weeks and 4 days who wouldn’t?
After putting the kids to bed and doing some research, I came across the theory that watching a comedy show/ laughing would get things going. So while we watched a comedy show I followed a labor- encouraging set of exercises. The show we watched was hilarious and while I laughed we did rebozo sifting, side lying release, dip the hip (at this point I was like ….what was that???), standing sacral release (is that a cramp? why am I nauseous all the sudden), forward leaning inversion ( we will see this ghastly thing again in this story!), abdominal lifts… then I needed to rest. I felt like something was happening so I decided to lay down with the peanut ball between my legs.
Around 10pm, I felt a very low, very strong sensation. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was feeling so I closed my eyes to get in tune with a feeling I know very well by now. I opened my eyes to see Carlos staring at me, as the kids say, shook. “Was that what I think it was?” he asked me. We knew it was time.
On his way
After that first contraction they started rolling in sporadically. I made several trips to the bathroom because I felt like I might hurl and pee my pants at the same time. We decided to head to bed around 11:30pm. I got some twilight sleep for a few hours but some time around 2-3 am I couldn’t stand to be in bed any longer. These contractions felt different from my previous labors which filled me with a bit of dread. I had a ton of back and tailbone pain and something just felt “off” about his position! Around 3:30 am I began recording just to see where things were and clocked the frequency at 3-8 minutes. As a doula I was not impressed. The contractions were strong and unlike my previous labors I did not get a break in between them. When the contractions stopped I still had a lot of discomfort, especially in my tailbone. I tried to do some Spinning Babies exercises to get him positioned where he needed to be but nothing really changed. I decided to try resting and listening to some Hypnobirthing relaxation around 5am and was able to get some restless sleep until a big contraction woke me up fully around 6am.
I decided to shoot my midwife a text just before 7am. I told her the contractions were about 5-6 minutes apart, very intense, and super painful in my tailbone with lots of pressure in my bottom. Baby was moving a lot and the movement would set off those painful back contractions. She asked me if I felt like I was progressing to which I said I felt it was impossible for me to progress with him in my back but the intensity was continuing to increase and some bigger contractions felt like pushing contractions; if I didn’t know any better or it was my first baby I would have thought it was time to push. I knew he wasn’t full locked and loaded in my pelvis and I wasn’t dilated fully. Meanwhile, I was also brainstorming with my doula who gave me some encouragement as well as things to try.
Gosh, when I look back at this labor I just feel so much compassion for that woman. The contractions were more intense than I have ever felt and they were rolling in one on top of the other. There wasn’t even a moment of relief between them and I have never had that happen before! I typically have textbook contractions; one comes, I get a break where I feel normal, then another and so on. Not with this labor. I felt like my tailbone was being jackhammered. The contraction intensity was up and down like a wave but without any relief. I remember I kept saying “this is so hard!” Ive heard rumors about the misery of back labor but wow, if this has ever been you, you have all my empathy!
For a while I was laboring on my knees leaning over the couch with Carlos giving me counter pressure on my tail bone. This seemed like the only tolerable position at the time. He began to text everyone around 9 when the contractions picked up to let them know things were moving along even though I didn’t think we were there yet. I didn’t want everyone waiting around forever for me to give birth and I felt it was too early but he insisted on bringing in the troops. I started to get into labor land at this point so the rest is kind of fuzzy!
I believe he was inflating the birth pool in our room and running in to check on me in the living room. I was listening to worship music and even though things were very intense, I feel I was able to cope very well at this point. I vaguely remember people arriving over the next hour and a half. My midwife checked on me and baby and helped with counter pressure along with Carlos. Luca was home with us while Odin was at school, and he was very sweet and attentive the whole time! He had his Power Ranger costume on so you know he was ready for anything!
My team filled up the birth pool and invited me in. I was worried it was too early but they kindly reminded me that I can do whatever I want 😉 I labored in the birth pool for a while listening to birth meditation. My doula, Jazmin, had a stay-cool cloth and it was the absolute star of this labor for me! especially when hot water was added to the pool.
I began to feel very pushy and my midwives encouraged me to go with that if it felt good. I gave it a few tries and it didn’t feel like it was time. I could tell baby wasn’t quite there so we decided to switch things up.
My midwife encouraged me to run through the Mile’s Circuit. I felt like I had done a million and one of these in the weeks and days leading up to this so it was the last thing I wanted to do; nevertheless, we proceeded. Oh man, it was so hard. The sensations were so intense and I could feel him wiggling around trying to get into position. I remember saying “something is wrong, something doesn’t feel right” and Cindi would say “you’re both doing great, hang in there”. I was glad one of us was confident!
After the Mile’s circuit we did standing side lunges to engage baby bean into the pelvis. I headed to the toilet to get dilated but began feeling very pushy again. I tried some pushes and thought we might be ready to meet our baby. My bag of waters began to bulge, and typically when that happens all I need to do is push hard to break the bag and the baby shortly follows. However, I could feel that although the bag was bulging I wasn’t fully dilated and baby’s head was way too high. I remember this being around 2pm because we made arrangements for our sweet friends to pick Odin up from school and boy am I glad we did! They also kindly took Luca for us so we could focus on the task at hand.
I returned to the pool to push on my knees for a bit and it was so intense that I was sure he was coming! Nope. I began to get very frustrated at this point. I’m so grateful I had an amazing birth team to help encourage me because I was sure my baby was never coming out. I didn’t want to try anything else, I didn’t want to keep going. I wasn’t able to eat the whole labor because I didn’t get any breaks between my contractions and I was so hungry. I was just over it and throwing myself a massive pity party.
I had my moment, then headed to do abdominal lifts as recommended by my team. I was feeling super vulnerable at this time and decided to request some privacy for a bit. I had so many great women cheering me on: a nurse that was shadowing, a student midwife, the birth assistant, the birth photographer, my midwife. They were so loving and encouraging. I just needed some time to be with those I felt most comfortable with. Cindi recommended I try some forward leaning inversions and I really did not think I had it in me. She reminded me to think about one contraction at a time and to just get through 3 contraction in an inversion. So I did.
When I say this is THE hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life, I mean it. Wow. Being upside down while my womb was pushing against gravity was an intensity I will never forget. I am so proud of what my body was able to tolerate! The first inverted contraction was so tough. My arms were shaking but I was able to get through it. I reluctantly went into the second contraction and the intensity was even more than the first. I didn’t want to do the third but Cindi, Deb, and Carlos were cheering me on so I mustered every ounce of bravery in my body and did it. I remember moaning and crying out so much at this point, and I had a visual of my body being a volcano trying to erupt with my shoulders being the base and my cervix being the opening. I couldn’t even finish the contraction before I shouted for help up. I didn’t quite register what was happening before the fetal ejection reflex kicked in! I went along with it and my waters burst right there on my couch! Not long after I pushed my baby’s head out. Pushing is always so insane to me; you can’t resist doing it but it is SO FREAKING INTENSE! I remember feeling his head move through me and I didn’t even really get to slow down before I birthed his head. I was working on the rest of him when I heard someone on the team call out 40-something seconds and at that point I knew they were keeping an eye out for shoulder dystocia. I have done a lot of research and watched a lot of Call the Midwife so when my next contraction started I lifted my right leg to the side and pushed my baby out. Carlos has never caught one of our babies so this was his moment and our baby boy landed right into his hands. He passed him to me through my legs and the first thing I said was “Praise God!” I leaned on Him so much through this pregnancy and birth and He truly was my strength and comfort.
The incredible high from finally holding my baby in my arms after the hardest labor I’ve experienced was just insane. My team helped me lay back on the couch and I relished in the feeling of not being in labor anymore! Oh, and of holding my baby boy.
I remember looking at his little face for the first time and thinking “Hey! I know you!” He looked so much like both his big brothers and held those familiar feature of a Robles Brother; a little bit of mom and a little bit of dad, mixed and matched to perfection.
I don’t remember the precise order of events but I remember delivering the placenta and the afterbirth cramps! Oof. Its true they get worse with subsequent births! And pushing it out, in a word, sucked. Isn’t my work done yet?!
My midwife inspected for tears and as a team we decided with rest I would not need stitches. I’ve not had a stitch yet and I contribute that the pushing on my knees every time!
Nico Adriel Robles was born at 4:07pm on the living room couch after approximately 12 hours of labor. About 45 minutes later my big boys arrived home and to their delight they saw their new baby brother for the first time. It’s such a gift to be able to give my babies each other, I will never forget the moment they met him! I nursed our baby bean and he took to it very easily! I think he learned to nurse the quickest out of all my boys.
I could not wait to eat so we Door Dashed some food from a local vegan deli and this may be the most emotional part of the story for me. I hadn’t been able to eat for so long even though I wanted to so when that food arrived and was handed to me I nearly tossed the baby across the room so I could eat! Kidding! Kind of… I got a massive burger, fries, s’mores cookies, and sweet tea and I will never forget that feeling of eating after a tough labor! My previous labors were pretty late at night so I didn’t get to order food after. I was stoked to be able to have that famous first meal this time! Before I could start eating of course Luca had to come over and ask for a bite, and he got it. Thats motherhood! haha!
My birth team cleaned up while we were settling in as a family of 5. We also snuggled on the couch a bit until it was time to put the big boys to bed. I got some one on one time with my sweet new baby and when Carlos finished putting the kiddos to bed we got some time just the 3 of us. That night Nico slept from 11:30pm-4:30am. We both definitely needed that rest!
As I reflect on it, this was by far the hardest of my labors. I constantly needed to work to get him out and the back labor was intense. However, because I was careful selecting my birth team, I felt cared for and empowered the whole time. I trusted my midwives to work alongside my intuition to get me to the finish line. This was also my shortest birth so praise God for that!
A quick shoutout to my team: Cindi makes me feel so respected, I wish everyone could experience care like that while birthing! Deb was also there for Luca’s birth so having her with me for Nico’s birth was so special and comforting. My photographer and friend Lee is so great at bringing a calm and quiet presence and giving words on encouragement. My doula Jazmin was great at stepping in right where we needed her and was so encouraging and warm; she felt like an old friend even though we’d only met once before. And we can’t forget my birth partner and best friend, and the reason I had to go through this!!! (haha) My husband has been my rock through all three pregnancies and labors. I’m so grateful for him. His presence is such a comfort to me and he was an absolute pro this time around! I could not imagine doing it without him.
I was surrounded not only by friends and people who care about me, but by women who know what it’s like to feel like you can’t go any longer and to have to find the strength to keep going anyway. Thats what mothers do.
He wasn’t named before birth because I just couldn’t get a feel for him like I did with the other boys. We picked his middle name before he was born; Carlos wanted “Ariel” after him but I wasn’t for it and I used my one veto to get it off the list. One day I was looking through baby name lists online and came across Adriel which was a mix of “Adrian” which I liked and “Ariel”. We both loved it immediately! I ordered 3 name tags before he was born because I just could not decide! We had him down to Rocco “rocky”, Jonah, and Nico. We tried them all out and as we both suspected it would, Nico won out!
Becoming a family of 5 has been wild. While it is not without challenges it has also felt so natural and having a baby for the third time has made me feel so confident as a mother.
If you read this insanely long story- thank you! I love sharing my birth stories and I hope you enjoyed reading it.
Gorgeous birth photos by https://www.leepettigrew.com/
Sweet family pics by https://nikkimeer.com/
Best Midwife EVER https://www.threeriversmidwifery.com/
Amazing doula! http://www.guidinggatesdoula.com/
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Kailey Robles 